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Halloween Chili

Best made during the last phase of the moon; if that is not possible, just do the best you can in a softly lighted kitchen after dark.

Substitutions are in parentheses.


  • 1 1/4 pounds ground goblin gizzards (ground beef 15% fat)
  • 1 medium eye of Cyclops (onion)
  • 1 (15 ounce) can soft shelled beetles (kidney beans)
  • 1 (28 ounce) can blood of bat (V-8 juice)
  • 1/8 teaspoon pureed wasp (prepared mustard)
  • 1/4 teaspoon common dried weed (oregano)
  • 1 dash red-tailed hawk toenails (crushed red pepper)
  • 2 teaspoons ground sumac blossom (chili powder)
  • 1 teaspoon hemlock (honey or sugar)
  • 1/2 cup fresh grubs (sliced celery)
  • 1 tablespoon eye of newt (pearl barley)
  • 1 tablespoon dried maggots (uncooked rice)
  • Water from a stagnant pond (tap water)


  1. Brown the gizzards in an iron cauldron over a fire made from the siding off of a haunted house.
  2. Add chopped eye of cyclops and simmer until the pieces of eye become translucent again.
  3. Add blood of bat and soft shelled beetles; bring to a slow bubbling boil.
  4. At this time, add the common weed, maggots, toenails, sumac, grubs, hemlock, eye of newt and the pureed wasp. As it cooks you may want to adjust the consistency with pond water. You can tell it is done when the eye of newt swells and the vertical tan colored "cats eye" appears on one side.

Posted by Darlene60 at